10 Tips to Help You Talk to Your Man

Communication in marriage is often difficult. Men and women are not the same. We think differently. We feel differently. We express ourselves differently. God made us this way. The differences in both husband and wife complement each other and create great strength in marriage. However, sometimes these differences make it difficult to talk to your man.

We women are so funny! We think that our men should just know what we’re thinking and feeling, and when they don’t we get mad. I don’t about you, but I’m not a mind reader and my husband isn’t either.  I’ve found that sometimes he feels completely different than I do. More than one husband has been bewildered as his wife sits in the next room crying her eyes out and he wonders what in the world is wrong. This can be very harmful in a marriage. For the sake of your relationship and your sanity, it is important that a wife learn how to express herself clearly and listen. Communication is everything and these tips can help you learn how to talk to your man.

10 Tips to Help You Talk to Your Man

1.   Pray before talking with your husband.

It is imperative that every Christian act and speak under the control of the Holy Spirit. This allows there to be communication on a spiritual level and not just in the feelings of the flesh. Take a moment and pray and ask God to help you not only say the right thing, but also to hear what is being said.

2.  Be slow to speak but quick to listen.

Emotions are wonderful, but they can also cause us to be hasty in our words. Communication is not supposed to be a one-sided conversation. Listen to what your partner is saying to you. His perspective is important and his viewpoint is probably different than yours – not wrong – just different. If you will stop and listen you might see things differently or at least understand where he’s coming from.

3.  Don’t allow the emotions of your spouse dictate your responses.

Your husband may get upset and have strong feelings when trying to communicate with you. This does not give you the right to respond the same way. When things get heated, pray in your heart and ask God to help you respond properly. Opening things up for a loud and hurtful yelling match won’t help anything get resolved.

4.  Give a soft answer to diffuse an angry situation.

When either of you are angry, use calming under-control speech to prevent an argument. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us that answering softly stops anger, but hurtful words just stir up more anger. Decide that you will not react with harsh words in an angry situation.

5.  Don’t interrupt.

Your husband needs to be heard. Let him talk. Don’t interrupt or stop him from explaining how he feels or his perspective on a situation. If you just let him have his time to talk, you will have yours. Communication is not a one-way street. It’s a give and take balance. If you only want to be heard, it’s a monolog, not a dialog. Give him time and don’t interrupt until he’s finished.

6.  Don’t be judgmental & critical of your husband or his viewpoint.

First of all a critical woman is hard to communicate with. Why would a man open up and talk with a woman who is harsh and judgmental of him and his opinions? If have a critical spirit is a struggle in your life, you must work on it. It is destructive and will drive not only your man, but also others away from you. When he is expressing his viewpoint or his feelings on a matter don’t criticize what he says. Ask God to help you hold your words.

7.  Be patient.

Good communication takes time. I’m not just talking a few days or conversations. Learning to talk with each other in a respectful manner that will accomplish your common marriage goals will take experience and practice. Don’t get discouraged when you don’t feel he understands you. Maybe he just doesn’t understand you yet! Give it time and be patient as you work through communication struggles.

8.  Stay focused and listen to what your mate is saying.

Don’t get sidetracked and begin arguing, accusing or blaming each other. Perhaps in his humanness, your man may say something that causes you to feel defensive. Don’t jump to argue and defend yourself in the middle of a discussion. This often distracts from dealing with the issue at hand. Swallow your pride and address it later. Listen and focus on what he is saying, not just the words that he uses.

9.  Don’t try to talk when you or your spouse is physically or mentally tired.

Real communication cannot take place when clear logic and physical sharpness is depleted by fatigue. Don’t make decisions or try to have serious discussions when either of you is tired. Your talk will not go well and you will regret the decisions you make later.

10.  Choose to speak at the right time, in the right place and with the right spirit.

When you talk with your spouse make sure it’s at the right time. As he is walking out the door to work, hungry for a meal or trying to fall asleep is not the right time. Wait until the time is right to talk with your man.

You must also make sure to talk to your spouse in the right place. In front of your children is not the right place. When your mother is over for dinner, it’s not the right place. Choose a quiet, private place where just the two of you can openly talk without being concerned that someone else is listening in.

Most importantly, when you talk with your man you must have the right spirit. If you approach communication with a prideful, stubborn and an unteachable attitude, you will destroy your relationship and marital intimacy. Approach any conversation with your husband in humility, kindness, openness and a willingness to grow.

Communication can be difficult, but it’s worth the effort to increase oneness with your man. When you work at talking with your man you will gain the benefits that come from the sweet unity you gain as you grow together.