Taming a Toxic Tongue

What kind of words do you speak?  Are they words that bring life or death?  Are your words helpful or are they toxic, poisonous words that damage other people?  Are you ever tempted to just “tell it like it is,” or “set someone straight?”  Maybe like me, you have been tempted to just blurt out whatever comes into your mind and “get it off your chest.”  I have done that and I’ll be honest with you, it didn’t turn out well and like the results of an atomic bomb, the fallout was toxic and harmful for all those involved.  I’m sure at that time I felt justified in what I said and to me, it wasn’t that bad.  Yet even a little poison can be devastating.

Suppose you are grocery shopping and you see that there is a tremendous sale on ground beef. It’s only 99 cents a pound! Just as you are ready to fill your cart, you see a small sign that states that 1% of the meat is spoiled, but 99% is just fine. No matter how inexpensive that ground beef is, you’re not going to take the risk of the contaminated meat because even that little speck will poison the rest, right?

It’s the same with our words. Less than 1% of our word inventory can ruin and affect all of the rest. You might watch 99% of the things you say but the other one percent can cancel it out. Our words having incredible power and we must learn through the power of the Holy Spirit to tame our toxic tongues.

Most of us do not realize the effect of what we say. There is great power in the words that roll off our tongues, even unintentionally sometimes.

The Bible says in Proverbs 12:18, “There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.”

Those reckless words we often speak cut others like a knife, but the speech of the wise person brings healing and health to those who hear it.

Taming A Toxic Tongue

What is a toxic tongue?

A toxic tongue speaks words that sting, hurt, crush and leave people feeling hurt and hopeless. We have all been guilty of speaking toxic talk – everybody does it – parents, husband and wives, siblings, employers, teachers, friends, adults and children alike. Most speak this way unintentionally, but sometimes intentionally. When it’s intentional it’s meant to deliberately hurt and never help people. Usually we don’t mean to hurt others; the words just “pop out” without planning or thought, said in haste or anger. We forget the words we’ve spoken but the people they hurt don’t forget. A toxic tongue destroys other people.

How Do We Tame a Toxic Tongue?

Ask God to show you which words you speak that are toxic and poisonous to others.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

What words are grievous, critical or hurtful to those who hear you speak?

• Name-Calling

Some words should be eliminated from our vocabulary because they are name-calling.

Racist – Nazi – slut – queer – retard – gimp – ethnic slurs, etc. These are horrible words that should never be uttered on the lips of God’s child. Jesus never called names or made fun of people. He LOVED them. These are divisive and sinful words. How dare we go against the loving work of God’s Spirit to draw every person to Himself?
Other names are subtler but still are hurtful.  Stupid – Idiot – Worthless – Lazy – Ugly, etc.
Name-calling focuses on the character of the individual rather than on the particular problem at hand. For example; “You’re being lazy” instead of “You’re lazy.”

• Crude Words

These words are just ugly and negative. They include cursing, vulgar language or rude words. Telling other people to “shut up” or telling someone off would fit into this group. We abuse our ability to speak and use our words are weapons that are offensive to those that hear us.

• Discouraging Words

 These are the words that push people down and leave them feeling defeated and hopeless after they have spoken to you. One such word is “divorce” when used by a husband and wife when fighting. It’s like pulling out a gun in the middle of an argument. The argument shifts from the argument to the gun. It becomes a life and death struggle for both partners.

Children feel the poison of these words when we tell them, “You disappoint me.” Or “You never do anything right!” – It denoted failure and rejection.  Telling another human, “I can’t take you anymore!” Lets them know that they aren’t worth the trouble.

• Exaggerating Words

These words include: “Never – Always – Just Like…”

“You’re never obedient!” – “You’re always messy!” – “You’re just like your father!”

These words greatly overstate the point and exaggerations leave very little room for home and change.

• Words of Unforgiveness

Bringing up “old mistakes, sins, fights, failures or issues” rub salt into the wound and infect the other person’s heart. There is especially a temptation to do this when we’re having a disagreement with someone else.  We have to remember though that we aren’t “making our point,” instead, we’re revealing our heart of bitterness and lack of forgiveness.

• Words of Rejection & Offense

 When we tell others, “You’d be so pretty if…” or “I remember when you had hair,” these words speak rejection over the other person and cause them to feel offended and hurt. Even joking can hurt people! Teasing about appearance, intelligence, weight or personality can be damaging to others. You might think you’re really funny, but they will not and those kinds of words will drive people away from you!

What Kind of Tongue Should I Have?

God’s Word gives us His guidelines for how to speak and how to treat others. Proverbs is His book of wisdom. The statements we read in this book of the Bible guide us on how to control our speech so it’s a blessing instead of a curse to those who hear us.

• Our Tongue Should Be Controlled

Check out these Bible verses:

Proverbs 10:19, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.”

Proverbs 11:12, “He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.”

Proverbs 11:13, “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.”

Proverbs 21:23, “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”

Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

• Our Tongue Should Be Kind

Just be nice! If you can’t be nice – then learn to cover your mouth and don’t speak. Pretty simple, isn’t it?

Proverbs 15:23, “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”

• Our Tongue Should Not Be Divisive or Deceitful

Proverbs 16:28, “A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”

Proverbs 18:8, “The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.”

Proverbs 25:18, “A man that beareth false witness against his neighbour is a maul, and a sword, and a sharp arrow.”

Proverbs 26:20-28

“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.

As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Burning lips and a wicked heart are like a potsherd covered with silver dross.

He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him;

When he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart.

Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation.

Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.

A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.”

Proverbs 17:9, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 20:19, “He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.”

When I was a young person, I remember my pastor telling the illustration of a young man who had lied and hurt others with his words of gossip and criticism. After the offense he was sorry for what he had done. He went to his father and asked him how to make things right. The father took his son to the local church and brought along a feather pillow. Together the two climbed the stairs to the bell tower of the church. The father took the pillow and slit it open with a sharp knife. He vigorously shook the pillow scattering the feathers and down to the wind and on the streets below. As you can imagine, the floated on the breeze and were carried all over the village. The father looked at his son and told him to go and collect every feather that had been spread about. Incredulously, the boy looked at his dad and expressed how impossible that task would be. The wise father looked at his son and told him that this is exactly the same as our words. Once they are uttered, they cannot be taken back again. Their influence goes farther than we ever intend and the hurt and damage they cause is multiplied ad they spread.

What kind of tongue do you have? Is it wild and unruly and out of control? Does it damage those who hear your words? Are you speaking in haste and anger and then later regretting what you allowed to roll off your tongue?

There is hope for taming the toxic tongue! When we surrender our words to the power and filter of the Holy Spirit they can be controlled and kind. Most importantly, they can be building and encouraging words that keep those we love and influence going strong for the Lord and fulfilling the purpose for which they were created!

Tame your toxic tongue using the power given in Romans 12:21, “Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” Choose today to turn toxic talk into life-giving words!

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